Late night, A glass of mango shake (seriously) by my side. Surfing the net when all of a sudden my gtalk window pops up. There’s a message:
From 4u.johny_at_19: Hi. I know this sounds kind of weird. I am you, when you were 19. I just wanted to see if you are online….had some questions to ask you.
Yeah right. This has got to be a practical joke. A few of my friends—the very few I have know its my 24th birthday on the 3rd of June and this must be their idea of a joke. Very funny.
I type back.
Yes 4u.johny_at_19, this is 4u.johny_at_24. Nice joke. Now which clown is this?
From 4u.johny_at_19: As I said, 4u.johny_at_24 this is going to sound weird. I am actually “you” 5 years ago. I don’t know how this is happening but somehow we are being able to communicate through chat and I want to ask you basically—-how did I turn out?
Some people take the gag so far that it becomes unfunny.
4u.johny_at_24: Okay smart guy, I may be a bit drunk but not that sloshed. Buzz off.
4u.johny_at_19: Wait wait. I have proof. I am sending you a picture no-one else is going to have this picture, at least none of your friends. It feels strange saying “yours” because these friends are mine too. Or will be. See this picture. Recognize the guy?
Holy Moly.. That’s me at 19. A drastic change now. How the hell did this guy..?
4u.johny_at_24: Okay I don’t know how you did this. Or what in the name of ‘Hindi Picture’ is happening. But it seems you are me at 1half decade ago. How creepy meeting you again, like this, just when I am going to turn 24. So what do you want to know?
4u.johny_at_19: First up, am I a MBA from Harvard or LSB making 7 figures a year, driving a Honda City and jetting around the world first-class?
4u.johny_at_24: No you are not. Listen to yourself. What expectations hmm (bhen****)!
4u.johny_at_19: Sooo….what am I then? You mean I am not an MBA? Dont joke man. I gotta be an MBA from somewhere.
4u.johny_at_24: No you aren’t an MBA. The only thing your car will have in common with a Honda City is that both of them will have innovative doors, the Honda City is beautiful Sedan, your passenger like car is still that common Hatchback. It’s a Hyundai make model, for your information.
4u.johny_at_19: Cool at least a new car. Ooh wait I forgot. You are in 2012 right?
4u.johny_at_24: Yes I am. Very clever of you to realize.
4u.johny_at_19: So if I am not an MBA what am I ?
4u.johny_at_24: I am sorry to have to break this bit of news to you dude. But you are a common all type business man still sitting at the world’s boring place ‘The Pannilal Chowk’ and now Bharhut Nagar.
4u.johny_at_19: Haha now you are pulling my leg. You know me better than anyone else and you know I have always wanted to be like Some Ambanis, TATAs or Heeranandanis upstairs with the company car, the YMCA Club membership and the masseur who comes in on Sundays.
4u.johny_at_24: Immature. Of course I forget you are only 19. You see at the age of 24 in the final analysis, way too much like my father. I value my freedom and I am willing to make a financial compromise for it. It was tough coming to terms with this realization but it is true.
And this day didn’t come all of a sudden it was a lesson acquired by walking the path between 2007 and 2012. So straight off the bat, this may be a bit too much for you to understand right now but trust me on this one. May be we did not set out to be a MBA but it’s a rather good place to be. Considering the type of person we are and what we value in life.
4u.johny_at_19: Please don’t mind but you are kind of sounding like Dad (Jo hota hain acche ke liye hota hain). Change of topic: have I traveled the world? Have I been to all the places I wanted to go?
4u.johny_at_24: Well Sorry Dude… No Hard feelings.. No where.
4u.johny_at_19: Ooh bad. Sounds weired, feels kinda uncomfortable asking someone who is so older than I am….but since you are me after all….do I turn out to be the super-rocking stud I always wanted to be? You know chick-magnet, party animal, like Brazilians without a care in the world. Do you remember how constricted you used to feel at 19 in an all-guys engineering college, growing up in a middle-class sindhi family, wanting to break free. Do you remember, 4u.johny_at_24 ?
4u.johny_at_24: Yes 4u.johny_at_19 I remember. Only too well. I am sorry to have to break it to you—but things didn’t quite turn out that way. Again what you cannot accept right now is that you have your limitations. As a matter of fact, turning 24 is not the stage where you can truly realize the magnitude of all the things you cannot do. We still have couple of years left to live the life well. Its a sobering thought and one which, even though it comes at the cost of heartbreak and much sadness, makes your life that much easier.
4u.johny_at_19: Excuse me but could you repeat that in plain English?
4u.johny_at_24: You have’nt cut a dashing figure in a club, you did not have the cash nor the style. Your time still spent better staying at home, reading a book, doing creative writing…..”
4u.johny_at_19: In other words, no Ecstasy-induced sandwich dance, no bumping and grinding.
4u.johny_at_24: There will be grinding work and a few bumps along the way. And oh a fact: Do you know none of the stars were born same day same year as us? Somebody born that day sure achieved a lot.
4u.johny_at_19: So I let myself go and become fat. Not good. Will I get married? And hows she?
4u.johny_at_24: Yes you shall. To a lovely person who is exactly right for the type of person you will grow up to be. She’s fine, doing good with her crazy smile and you also know dude ‘three things defines her best.’
4u.johny_at_19: Oh ! That’s good…..So summing up, how do you feel now?
4u.johny_at_24: A bit sad. The sadness from knocks sustained, trusts broken and overall lfe cycle. The sadness from knowing the things you can and cannot do. At 19, the world lay before me, I could be anything I wanted to be. I am not so sure anymore.
A bit afraid, More responsibilities, More thinking of others and less about myself. More aware of my own mortality and those others whom I love.
And finally more than a bit glad. Things could really have been much worse.
4u.johny_at_19: Boy you do sound old. I cannot believe I shall grow up to be you. In any case, thanks for all the crap old-timer. I have to go and sleep it’s already 4.00 A.M.
4u.johny_at_24: Wait dude.. Kya karega soke, abhi 4.00 hi to baje hain.
4u.johny_at_19: Get lost….ewwwwww…….Good Night!!
I sit head in hand. Did I dream that all up? Was it the alcohol? Nah!!
Feeling emotional and light-headed, I think of the innocence, hopes and the aspirations of the person I talked to right now. So familiar and yet so strange, so present and yet so lost. Caught in the twilight haze of rational thought and hopeless dreams (Sorry for stealing the lines from 26th april conversation), my hand moves to the keyboard :
To 4u.johny_at_30: Hi. I know this sounds kind of weird. I am you , when you were 24. I just wanted to see if you are online….had some questions to ask you.
BTW… Happy B’day!!
